By Alexandra D. Datig
I am a traumatic rape survivor.
I was raped when I was a minor by a deranged adult male from my high school who I testified against and put in prison when I was a juvenile. After rejecting many advances, one night I was stalked, dragged into a house, given pot and alcohol, slapped in the face, spat on and raped.
A few months after the rape, I was vendetta raped by three men who lured me to the loft of a video game arcade. I was immobilized by being given hard liquor, pot, and cocaine which made me blackout. I remember after hours of being raped how two of the rapists left early and told the remaining rapist, “You finish it.” The remaining rapist left the room and I lay there, intoxicated, in pain, and fully aware I had a hematoma on the right side of my vulva and a vaginal tear, suffering serious injuries.
For three days, I had a bag of ice in between my legs and it hurt to use the bathroom and sit down for weeks afterward.
I had a secret so dark and filled with hopelessness, suicidality, and shame, that I dropped out of high school after I was bullied. I also had nerve damage for the next ten years and a 13-year battle with alcoholism and addiction.
Finding the right coping tools for me included working with other traumatic rape survivors whose stories were unique in each instance. The truth about rape is, there is no commonality among victims, as each survivor has their own unique experience. Traumatic rape survivors experience PTSD similar to that of combat veterans and internalize trauma by reaching for coping tools like drugs and alcohol leading to even worse re-traumatization for some.
Once in treatment, many survivors learn, for the first time, how difficult it is to speak about their rape. This is where traumatic rape survivors learn to trauma-bond because they realize talking about rape means identifying innocence and the pattern that allowed the cycle of emotional distress to continue.
Not all rape is the same and therefore, the media has a responsibility to make this distinction responsibly.
With her flagrant grandstanding, E. Jean Carroll has no plans to respect those who suffer in silence over rape trauma that has led some down the path of suicide. In fact, E. Jean Carroll’s example will drive many rape survivors further into silence because of the standard set by her.
Confronting a rapist and holding them to account is a personal responsibility as dealing with the rape trauma itself. E. Jean Carroll has made all but a mockery out of traumatic rape survivors on national television with her self-aggrandizing, exaggerated claims of what her cavalier definition of rape is when telling CNN’s Anderson Cooper, “Most people think of rape as being sexy. They think of the fantasies.”
The example set by Carroll will shun victims from wanting to be heard as they will be equated with her sickening definition of “rape.” And while E. Jean Carroll is celebrated on the left for this publicity stunt, the real victims must suffer in silence.
And alone.
And should they want to come forward, they will be equated with E. Jean Carroll!
